Because
of the current fiscal crisis in Zimbabwe, millions of people have moved to
greener pastures all over the globe. Those who have migrated to other countries
have done a great job keeping the wolf from their families’ doors by sending
back money for sustenance. Many of these people, particularly those in the West,
spend many years without coming back home because it’s probably too expensive
for them to do so, or they haven’t regularized their papers to enable them to
be accepted back after the visit to Zimbabwe. I know people who left for the UK
decades ago and have never come back home, not even for their parents’ funerals.
They start their own families with people their parents have never met or might
never meet, and just connect with their families over the phone and via social
media. I’m not very far from home but my visits there are very few and far
between, and when I make them, they are very frenzied because there are many
people to see in so little time. I can’t begin to imagine how it must be to
never visit your birth country.
Like
everybody else, people in the diaspora die. I’ve witnessed many very sad events
when families just wake up to the news that one of their own has died in the
UK. People get into a tailspin wondering where to start, where to get money to repatriate
the body of their loved one. Culturally, people believe everyone should be
buried close to their ancestors, and anyone buried in foreign lands is deemed
to have been “thrown away”. Should calamity strike the family at some point
after the foreign burial, they start fearing that it’s the deceased’s spirit
which is anguished for not being buried in the land of their fathers. Some have
been lucky to have their deceased relatives’ friends and colleagues fundraise
for repatriation. Others sadly just grieve at home and have to contend with
pictures of the funeral sent by well-wishers.
I
don’t really think where someone is buried has bearing on life afterwards. It’s
not like they are bringing you to sit at the dinner table with them. They are
still going to throw you away. I do understand, however, that after not seeing
a family member for decades, then you’re told they have passed, you might want
to see their remains, hold a vigil for them, sing and dance the whole night, witness
their burial with your own two eyes, and be able to visit the grave to place
flowers before you can get closure. It’s particularly harder for the older
generation. They will hold family meetings and declare that there’s no way
their child will be buried in a foreign land. Then they chill and wait for
others to cough up because all they have is their wish for their child to come
home, no two cents to rub together whatsoever.
Some
of my friends in the diaspora told me that they don’t mind being buried where
they are, and think all the money spent on repatriation is a waste. Unfortunately
they haven’t expressed their sentiments to their families, who will insist on bringing
them home. I think the decision to be buried abroad should be communicated well
in advance so that people can explain themselves to their families, and people
can make peace with it. It can be infuriating for the extended family when
meetings are held following a death, whatsapp groups are formed with their
names forcibly added, and coercion is
used to make people contribute for the transportation of the deceased’s
remains. In their off-shoot clusters people will jabber about how the deceased
used to be a picture of success on Facebook, going to holidays and stuff, and
even bought iPhones and cars and built houses for his parents. Why didn’t he
have the presence of mind to invest in a repatriation policy?
Among
the most difficult things to discuss in life are funeral plans. We do not like
to harbour morbid thoughts. We have so much to live for – our jobs, families,
friends, and life in general. Thinking or talking about our mortality is like
throwing a wet blanket on a roaring fire. Some people are only concerned with
immediate consumption and believing “tomorrow will take care of itself,” which
couldn’t be further from the truth. Tomorrow never takes care of itself, you
have to take care of it. But we all know that death is certain and we should
make plans for it while we still can.
Avoiding
certain conversations usually results in people being caught flat-footed and
struggling with issues that would have been very easy to handle had they been managed
appropriately. We need to talk to our families about where want to be buried or
if we choose cremation, what would we want done with the ashes, what do we want
done on our memorial services, things like that. It won’t be an easy
conversation because the red flag always goes up in people’s heads when you
start discussing details of your funeral. They associate that with suicidal
tendencies.
Repatriating
a body, especially one of an uninsured person can be a long and wearisome
experience, particularly for those already reeling from the loss. It is fraught
with a lot of paperwork, expenses and bureaucratic procedures that will send
one into a tizzy. If you are in the diaspora, have that conversation with your
family.
Below
is what my friends think about repatriation:
Patricia*(UK)
I
choose to be buried here where my kids are and will visit me daily if they wish
to.
Martha* (UK)
I
don’t want my body back to Zimbabwe. I’d rather the money be used on my child
to pay school fees. I will be dead so no big deal. If my siblings have the
money, they can repatriate. I feel it’s a waste. It’s better to use the money
to travel to England, be on a plane for some of them for the first time and do
the funeral. I’d rather get life, than funeral assurance. Families just need to
be told that it costs an arm and a leg to repatriate a body from abroad. Even
if you tell them your wish, people will just disregard it when you die.
Harriet*(US)
We
buried my dad here, partly because our whole family was here and we thought it
was better to bury him where we would be able to visit his grave easily, but
partly because repatriation was $10 000 and we had just arrived here and didn’t
have the money. My relatives were not ok with our decision but they were not
willing to come up with the money which we asked them to do. When I was in Uganda I always told my family, “Don’t
go to the expense of taking my body to Zimbabwe. Cremate me and take the ashes.”
*names changed
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