Life's little lessons

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Trust life to slap you in the face and make you think of the things that really matter. This past week I visited a friend in Lyndhurst, and on my way back my navigator indicated that there would be an about 45-minute delay on the N1 highway due to a crash. I was running late home and, needless to say, very frustrated with the congestion. I just wished people would be more careful on the roads to avoid impacting the lives of others.

As I sat there grinding my teeth, a part of me even regretted visiting the friend, seeing how inconvenienced I was now.

As a creature of habit I'm always home at a specific time, and on the day that I decided to go against my routine, this happens! 

Everyone who has ever sat in traffic most likely relates. It's the most tedious way to spend one's time. We have lives and things to do, and can't just be sitting on a highway in the sweltering heat, not progressing. 

People have drawn their guns and shot others in rage after sitting in traffic for too long. During my protracted sit on the N1 that day - while not condoning violence - I somehow understood the driving force of road rage. 

At a snail's pace I eventually got to the cause of the delay. There had been a horrific crash, and two bodies were still at the scene covered with the silver foil we all know too well. 

Suddenly my anger over the delay wholly dissipated. I was instead flooded by a mixture of emotions. I felt sad for the deceased. They were obviously also headed somewhere, as we all were, on that highway when their lives were suddenly cut short. Somebody somewhere, probably their children, parents, or spouses, was waiting for them at home but would get bad news instead. Their families would never see them walk through the door, nor hear their voices ever again. 

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Such morbid and depressing reflections, but also other people's reality. I felt bad for being cross that I was delayed, yet I was still alive and still had time to do the things I wanted to do. At the same time, I also felt there was there wasn't much time for nonsense, and no time like the present to do everything our hearts desire because you just never know… 

When I eventually got home, almost an hour later than I would have if the crash had not happened, it was with a sense of gratitude that I hugged my children. I was here and still able to do that. 

The people I saw lying on the road and their children would never be able to experience this. I just felt all these emotions but never really vocalised them for fear of looking like a depressed and depressing weirdo, with a penchant to over-dramatise things. But here I am. I just needed to say it. 

We really shouldn't sweat the small stuff, like traffic delays. There are worse things happening around us, even on the roads we are on, like traffic accidents. We could be late, but should definitely be grateful we are not 'the late'. 

Being the bigger person...

There are moments in life when you come face to face with people who just don’t get it. There you are, trying to mind your own business and BOOM! There they are; in your face, in your hair, treading on your toes and just all over the place trying to run your life like it’s their show. You are left with one of two choices – getting into a shouting match with them until you are blue in the face (maybe dark black if you are black like me), or just shake your head and move along with your life to preserve your dignity.

Some people just believe that s/he who shouts loudest, or has nastier words, wins the argument regardless of whether they are right or wrong or whether  their argument is coherent or not. Sometimes we have to be bigger than our bosses at work, our parents, spouses or our children throwing a tantrum. As we go through life, there are circumstances that make us see that we don’t necessarily have to win every argument to feel good about ourselves. Losing an argument is worth nothing in comparison to losing self-respect after being drawn into a stupid confrontation. I believe in standing my ground, but what’s the point of wasting our lung power on a quarrel we can’t win because of the level of understanding of the other party? It’s perfectly OK to sometimes let go and let God.

Sometimes we might argue to prove to our opponent that we are right and they are wrong, that we also have an assortment of bad things to say to them, but after the argument is done, we see that we emerged much smaller by allowing ourselves to stoop to their level. We don’t always have to put in the last word. Occasionally you have to let the other unreasonable person think they have won, just so that their evidently very troubled soul can rest, and so you can also enjoy some peace in your life. At times it’s essential to keep quiet in the face of onslaught from toxic people. Not because you respect them, but because you respect yourself too much to allow them to drag you to their level. But the problem with toxic people like that is they hate to be ignored, they are itching for a fight and when they don’t get that fight, they relentlessly try to rattle your cage so that you can entertain their fatuous nonsense. And that is why you should keep a level head and a shut mouth, difficult as it is, and continue to mind your business while shoving them and their antics in the dust bin of your mind where they belong. You just have to let them find another place to unleash their demons.  As you struggle to not retaliate, you just have to keep the voice in your head chanting, “Be the bigger person, be the bigger person!” Life is too beautiful to waste it trying to understand why some people seem to have been made with the sole purpose in life to pop others’ bubbles.