Help That Comes With a Price Tag

There are people who make us want to run a mile when they offer to help us out because we know we will never hear the end of it. Every willing and unwilling audience will be informed of how we would never have made it without that help. We will forever be held at ransom, expected to crawl around our benefactors, never forgetting for a moment who helped us along the way, that we would be nothing without them. When we have achieved something great and are standing on the podium, our sponsors will be there below us with the cheering masses. They will be watching us, searching our faces for the gratitude due to them with that look, the look that says, “Don’t you ever forget if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be standing up there!”  That look will clip your wings and chop your self-esteem into smithereens until it is at the very bottom of the barrel.

We were all born with different gifts, things that we do effortlessly while others struggle at the same. Giving is one of those gifts. Some people give because they care and it is in their nature to help out where possible. Others get heartbroken when they take something that belongs to them and give it to someone else. They spend years thinking of that moment when they gave something substantial to someone. I, however, believe like an art, giving wholeheartedly can be learned. In the same way that we have to train to fit into certain professions, we can also train ourselves to give without counting the cost. Not everything should be in dollars and cents.

Receiving gifts or help from some people is like selling our souls to the devil. When those people wrong you, you’re not allowed to speak out. Yours is to remember that once upon a time you had nothing and they bailed you out. They become your handlers. So sometimes we might have to choose whether to just do without help we so desperately need and fail to attain certain goals or accept the help that comes with a staggering price tag attached, and have our backers make song and dance about their invaluable contribution to our lives. Now I get why Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe speaks so vehemently against being too keen to receive Western aid. Sometimes it’s better to starve than to take your begging bowl to people who then go to tell it from high rising buildings that you are a charity case. Accepting help from certain quarters strongly resembles constantly having an axe hanging over our heads.

Giving should come from the heart and should never be for self- aggrandizement. My mother told me of times when she struggled to come up with school fees, yet she soldiered on and ensured all the five of us went to school, well-fed and groomed, without ever asking for or accepting help. She said a number of people were aware of the hardships and offered to help, but she politely turned them down. I asked why she hadn’t just accepted the help so that she wouldn’t have to struggle so much. Mom said most people never allowed you to forget when they helped you, and some would openly demand things from you several decades down the line, which would equate to demanding repayment. In all likelihood they will milk you dry, taking much more than they ever gave.

I’ve been blessed with many generous people in my life. People who would happily walk the length and breadth of the earth just to ensure I’m comfortable without ever feeling the compulsion to make mental calculations of how much they’ve sacrificed. My mother, some friends, and a few other people come to mind.

I have received help whenever I needed it, be it financial, emotional, or other.I believe God has always kept me in the hollow of his hands even during times I thought he had turned his back on me, never allowing me to be too desperate. He has always placed angels without wings on my path, the people who have helped me selflessly and unconditionally through difficult moments. These are the people that I think about when an opportunity for me to help somebody else arises.  I never hold back when I can afford to help because I’ve had selfless people also not holding back on me. May God help me to never make anyone that I’ve assisted feel they owed me because I’ve reminded them through my words or actions that they do. May He also cushion me from being made to feel small by those that have helped me.