Family is for keeps

The curtain on the Oscar Pistorius trial, and his life as he and everybody knew it, has finally come down. He was sentenced to a maximum of five years in prison for the shooting death of his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp. Speculation is rife that he will be out in about 10 months. What a tragic thing to happen to happen to a young man that was so full of promise, inspired a lot of people, and made South Africa and Africa proud. I feel extremely sad for Reeva’s family, but I also feel very sorry for Oscar himself, as well as his family. Who in the world has been following the trial doesn’t know Uncle Arnold, Carl and Aimee Pistorius. There were brothers-in-law, aunts and more uncles supporting him in court. His brother, Carl, also continued coming to court in his wheelchair after a car accident.

The trial evidently took an emotional toll on Oscar’s whole family. I’m sure they couldn’t wait for the verdict so that they could go back to their lives, which will never be the same. From the day Oscar gunned down Reeva, that family hasn’t known peace. They have consistently come to court for all his appearances, thereby losing a lot of productive time. They must all have good bosses. Either that or they are their own bosses.

When I was a court reporter, I used to witness the same kind of scenarios in court, a menacing-looking thug on trial for heinous crimes would appear in court and his poor mother would break down in tears. A weeping girlfriend would blow kisses and the thug would return the gesture with a soft look on his hardened features and mumble, “Don’t cry, my love”. Moments like these always left me spellbound.  Someone raped or killed somebody out there, and people still cry for that person and miss him, wishing he was out there walking our streets?”Sometimes I would try to interview the offender’s family and their invariable answer was usually, “He’s innocent. He’s a Christian.”  I guess everybody has a soft side to them that makes it hard for their loved ones to believe they could ever put one foot wrong.

My very first court story involved some young men from Soweto who murdered a teenager for his debit card.One of the young men was only 18 and had to drop out of Grade 12 to go to prison. His sister would bring a different brand of cigarettes every time she came to court, and I figured they were not for him to smoke but to buy favours or for protection inside. I remember thinking, “Oh so they are still worried their little brother will be sodomised even after he killed someone?” I suppose I would also go and weep in court if someone close to me was to be found on the wrong side of the law. You can’t automatically forget all the good times you had or the good deeds that person performed after they commit a crime.

I guess that’s among the prices we have to pay for having some people in our lives. What a wonderful life it would be if everybody carried themselves responsibly to protect their loved ones from the pain of seeing bad things happen to them. People just chose to live on the razor's edge because they feel their life is their own show to run, but when things come a cropper, others are left to pick up the pieces. If bail money is wanted, it’s the innocent that have to run around to keep the offending family member out of jail. You can’t just wash your hands of them and say, “You made your bed, now lie in it.” That would be like going to hospital to see a person who just had a heart attack and whisper, “You know, if only you had jogged and eaten less KFC, you wouldn't be in this mess.”

This is not just about crime. Some chose to be promiscuous, then fall pregnant without two cents to rub together, and their families are the ones that have to cater for their medical bills and upkeep of the baby after it is born. Others also contract illnesses through recklessness and then expect emotional and material support from their families. Others make lousy life decisions that end up costing everyone. Like Oscar. It was him, his guns, his friends, and his money. His world has come crumbling down, friends deserted him and threw him under the bus in court, and it’s now just him and his family.

Lesson learned: everything else is ephemeral, but family is for keeps, even though some people do not realize it.