The lost generation

Thousands of school children in Swaziland dropped out of school this year because of pregnancy. This is a very disturbing development that will see the country having a sizeable number of unemployable people from that generation. The issue of teenage pregnancy is not one unique to Swaziland alone but the world over, but more prevalent in African and some Asian countries. In some countries, it is a result of forced marriage, but in sub-Saharan Africa, children are just having wanton sex like there is no tomorrow.

In my opinion, a number of factors play a role in teenage pregnancy. I think most of it is experiments gone wrong, then there are girls that date outside their age groups and have no power to negotiate for safe sex. I’ve seen stories of 14 –year-old girls being involved with 30-year-olds. How does a child like that even try to stand her ground? The issue of poverty has also thrown young girls to the wolves. A rumbling stomach can push a young girl to do things she would otherwise not have thought of doing if circumstances were different.

It is, however, not just children from disadvantaged backgrounds that indulge in premature sex. Many parents are not comfortable discussing sex with their children. They don’t even know where to start.  No-one spoke to me about the dangers of teenage sex, but back then, there were minimal influences. The closest my father got to talk about the birds and the bees to me and my sisters was always reiterating that if anyone of us fell pregnant, he would not want us to abort. He never spoke about how people got pregnant or tried to talk us into not doing things that would make us fall pregnant in the first place. It was always an awkward speech. It was fortunate that I didn’t have a cellphone with internet to access social networking and other adult sites and, and I was at a Catholic girls-only school. My parents were also very strict and it was never easy to go against their regulations.

Have parents become softer or have teenagers become foxier? There was never a moment when my absence at home was never accounted for. How are primary school children managing to hoodwink their parents, juggling being young kids at home while having sex like adults out there? I see many young girls on street corners, necking with big boys at weird hours, sometimes in their school uniforms, and I just wonder where their parents think their babies are. Parents need to get over their issues and actually talk to their children about the consequences of teenage sex. Tell children that if they fall pregnant as teenagers, their lives are as good as doomed. They will never enjoy wholesome dating and will be tied down to raising a child before they are ready for it, they are likely to contract HIV and other venereal diseases, and they will have to settle for menial labour to look after their children, or they would be reduced to prostitution. Instead, parents prefer to wail and shout at their children after the deed is done – “how could you do this to yourself? How are you going to look after a child when you are also only a child?  Now you will never get a job! Your child will grow in poverty and will most likely follow the same path as you”

Parents also need to sit down with the boy child. Too much pressure, traditionally, has been on the girl child  - don’t sleep with men, be careful, value your virginity, while nobody speaks to boys, yet they are also an integral part of the equation. The media hasn’t done well to shape into the sexually responsible individuals we want them to be. Children are bombarded by news of scandalous celebrities who lead sexually flagrant lives, and they are made to look glamorous.  Young people like Nobel Peace Prize winner, Malala Yousafzai are not celebrated much, no-one wants to know what she’s been up to lately. People like Amber Rose, who recently excited everyone when she wrote How to be a bad bitch, and those who make sex tapes pervade media space as if they are to be emulated. There are many young people doing great things but they are not given enough space in the media.

Instead of intensifying engagement with children, people have washed their hands off them and said, “OK, kids. You win. Just come and get condoms and have your sex!” I don’t think this is a solution. I think we should talk and talk and talk to our kids until our voices are hoarse and we are foaming at the mouth. We haven’t even started talking yet. Condoms are not the answer. Adults are failing to use them consistently and we are expecting a 13-year-old to be more responsible? Give.me.a.break!

As with most of the social issues I write about, I went to my friends to find out about this issue. These were their guiding questions:

What do you think should be done to curb teenage pregnancy, apart from contraceptive distribution? Do you think sexual health education will help? What should sexual health education encompass?

Joyie: openness between parents/guardians and children, good communication parents must talk to their children regardless of gender. Sexual health education I think in high school is fine, but at primary level, no. Kids like experimenting. They should be taught about the consequences of indulging early, e.g. pregnancy, STIs, side effects of using contraceptives at an early age, condoms breaking, and the like. How early pregnancy before finishing school will affect their future (types of jobs they end up doing in order to take care of the baby if not educated). I think teachers and parents should also be good role models. Media must promote good role models not people like Khanyi Mbau. Encourage children to abstain rather than promoting. Right now I think the government promotes early sex by letting kids get contraceptives and legalizing abortion. Churches should also take part.

Za: sex education is an ideal solution and it is important to first reach out to parents and make them aware of the importance of being open about sex to their children from a tender age. Most people think that it’s taboo to talk to their children about sex, but they are leaving a blank space in the children’s mind that will be filled with info acquired mostly from peers and the social media. I have observed children who discuss such topics with their parents proving to handle sexual issues better than the others and they are rarely victims of teenage pregnancy. Actually, a person’s background influences their choices and decisions in life. It is therefore vital to show parents first of the importance of correct information dissemination to their children before they are teenagers and underscore the importance of a stable family environment for every child. Most teenagers who become victims either come from broken down families or very strict families where such behaviour can be seen as a child’s attempt at freedom.

Parents should make sure that their children grow up in stable homes, if a child is brought up by a single parent, e.g. a single mum, it is important for the child to have a strong male person in her life that will fill the void left by an absent dad. It can be an uncle, grandfather, etc., so she can learn to relate to the opposite sex.

Coming to sexual health education, it is effective to penetrate through the social media because it has now become their Number 1 influence. They view a lot of pornographic material on the internet from their laptops and mobile phones and what they circulate on whatsapp is mostly X-rated material. It goes back to the parents who avail such gadgets to teenagers.

Teenage pregnancy can be curbed through production of movies whose theme is ‘negative effects of teenage pregnancy’, soaps screened on television should dedicate some episodes to this issue and there should be awareness campaigns on TVs, radios, fliers and street marches. There should be billboards erected at strategic points saying something about teenage pregnancy…it might save some teenagers from the experience. What is sad about the issue of teenage pregnancy is that too often, lip service is given to prevention strategies without investing in them at the necessary levels to make them effective. There should be effective partnerships among families, schools, social service systems, churches to create the socialization experiences that will give the teenagers a chance to develop along positive lines.

Sihle: I strongly believe in biblical principles of abstaining until one gets married. I feel that giving children condoms tells them it is absolutely fine to have sexual relations even when you’re in school. Unfortunately, the society we are living in right now somehow makes it ok. I am old school on this issue and very conservative.

Susan: freedom, exposure, culture of openness especially in the African context. Parents should openly discuss sex with their kids to tell them that there is nothing to rush for. At the same time, allow kids to go out and mingle with boys, with the faith that they are not going to rush into sex.

Ngoni: our students don’t drop out because our school has a policy of expelling pregnant pupils. It is unconstitutional but it has been a deterrent. Sexual health education does help. Nurses come to our school to talk to learners about the dangers of indulging early. And they scare learners with those frightening HIV statistics because their age group is the most infected.  Sexual health education should demystify the myths or so called knowledge they have e.g. male prowess is seen by the number of girls he sleeps with, being a virgin is old fashioned.

Angie: condom distribution should be stopped. It actually encourages sex in kids. Now these kids will happily do it thinking they are safe. We need to rewind and go back to the days when sex was a sacred word to the youngsters. Abstinence should be the key word, not prevention. It’s all about re-teaching morals to our kids.