What does 'aging gracefully' mean?

I was thinking of a discussion I had with one beauty therapist, and it resulted in this post. She said when you hit 30 years of age, you should start using anti-aging products to protect the skin from the effects of the ticking clock. So I was just reflecting on what else involves aging gracefully.

I want to age gracefully, and believe that the person I will become when I’m old and shriveled is dependent on the decisions I make now, how I live my life at this moment. I think aging gracefully involves being content about life, embracing the metamorphosis that my body will go through without kicking and screaming and competing with teenagers, and being an old woman that inspires younger people, making them realise that it’s not all doom and gloom in the twilight years.

I can’t be a gratified old woman if I don’t live my life to my full potential, because that is what would make me kick and scream against my age, always wish I could turn back the hands of time and fulfill my dreams. i want to be able to do the things that I set out to do and be able to crush the obstacles that I meet along the way. i want, when I hit 70, to feel that I was responsible for my life and not feel resentful of anyone for having snatched my blessings from me. Everybody is running their own race, and I want to be glorious in my own without allowing anyone to keep their lane and invade mine too.

"Lord make me absolutely honest and don’t let me be too poor or too rich. Give me just what I need. If I have too much to eat, I might forget about you; if I don’t have enough, I might steal and disgrace your name." Proverbs 30: 8-9

Being wealthy has never been one of my goals in life. I, however, do not want the burden of black tax being saddled on my children who also have to worry about their own lives. I’m not looking after them so that they can one day #paybackthemoney, no, I’m not a loan shark. I am their mother and want to set them up for a good life one day. I want to be comfortable without being filthy rich, without ever showing up at my children’s door every day reminding them “forget not those who raised you”, demanding eternal gratitude. I also don’t want my children showing up daily on my doorstep asking for money because I believe I’m making enough effort right now to ensure that I wean them off one day and have sufficiently prepared them to live independent lives. If they keep coming back to me, then I’ll probably be disappointed with them and myself, wondering where I went wrong raising them.  

You can’t age gracefully if you feel you spent your years serving other people, especially a spouse, and did nothing for yourself. For that reason, I strive to also live my life for me. I should love my children and spouse and must never allow life to get to a point where I feel I’ve been robbed of my life. Marriage is, regrettably, one life decision that makes a lot of people toss and turn in their graves with bitterness. It should be about sharing, give and take. The society that raised me believes women should give up their lives for their husbands through misrepresentation of culture and religion. I’ll keep my eye on the ball; I want to age gracefully so I will insist on taking as much as I give. I don’t want to end up biting my husband’s heads off and always chanting, “You idiot! I gave you 40 freaking years of my life!!” I should always remember that marriage is about companionship, sharing a life. It’s not glorified enslavement. I want to also walk away with something from the years, not feel I always gave and never received.

I don’t ever want to be a bitter old woman whose utterances people always put down to senility. I know a number of old people like that, who always put their foot in it and people want to vindicate them and end up saying aah varegererei kani vakura (leave them alone, can’t you see they’re old now?) after they have offended others. The kind of old people who are just nasty and people put it down to age when it’s just sheer wickedness, I’ve seen a number of them and each family has one or two. Age is not supposed to make people malicious. I think people are supposed to be mellower as they grow older, but I doubt that can happen when you have unfulfilled hopes and dreams and feel you have unfinished business and the world owes you a whole lot more before you are relegated to pushing daisies. You can’t believe nor stand how time has passed you by, and you look at younger people living their lives and you feel the bile rising up your throat. You want to throw up on what they have achieved because you didn’t get your chance.

Gym is painful and picking what food you put into your body isn’t too much fun either. But I’m going to persist in taking care of my body without aspiring to ever look like Naomi Campbell. I don’t want to be an obese grandma that looks at toned people my age and turn yellow, wishing I had jogged when my knees still permitted.

Like wine, I want to get better with age. I want to be a fountain on knowledge for the younger people around me. For that reason, I’ll read widely for my own gratification and to benefit those around me too. I would also not want to be the all work and no play kind of old woman. I would want to be the Mbuya Mlambo kind of woman, who kids can still come to for a bit of fun.

When my time comes, I hope I’ll be able to check out with a smile, knowing that I ran my race and accomplished everything that I set out to do.

Song – don’t stop thinking about tomorrow

As usual, I wanted to find out what my friends thought around aging:

Vision: ageing is a thing of the past. If Aids won’t kill me, a bomb somewhere might. Too much going on nowadays.

Tatenda: Aging gracefully means enjoying sex in my old age, looking good for my age, having achieved things on my life’s to-do list, travelling, and being able to enjoy and afford the finer things in life. 

Miriam: I will accept that I’m aging by wearing what’s suitable for my age and being as natural as possible, e.g. wouldn’t want to be seen wearing bright lipstick or something like that. I would like to tend a small garden at the back of my house just to do something, not be seen still employed especially in a foreign land. I would have invested for this time, of course.

Erica: Aging gracefully means accepting change, i.e. physical changes and finding meaningful activities to occupy myself with. I’m not going to worry over my sagging boobs, my hair turning grey or my period disappearing for good.

Milcah: Aging gracefully for me is still having my ideal weight, still enjoying hobbies, maintaining inner and outer beauty, and emptying my bucket list.

Susan: Aging gracefully involves saving for a house (preferably country/farm house) where I can have a garden, a dog or two, chickens. Pension in place, eating clean from my produce mostly, exercising and clean air in the country, travelling - close to nature, going to my natural hair, spending time with loved ones, minding my own business, wines, teas, fireplaces, having few but quality things – clothes, food, holidays, less stress especially on things I can’t change, connecting with my spiritual side, doing more good.

Sihle: Aging gracefully is an all-rounder. It takes all aspects of our lives like exercising and eating right, reading to stay abreast  with new happenings and to keep your mind sharp, doing what makes you happy, because when you are a happy person you are able to effectively help your family, making time to help other people, getting involved in community activities and so on. If you are fortunate to realise your purpose, you should run with it, not just be idle.   

Tadiwa: you age gracefully when you have no bitterness; you accomplished what you wished for like shelter and good education for the kids.

Bright: aging is a challenge or nightmare to most. In order to age well, you should have the right state of mind (less stress and/or knowing how to deal with stressful situations). I guess exercising, eating healthy and general fitness will get you there. Of course some people can get very old without enjoying their lives because they can’t afford the above. Imagine if at 60 you can’t afford varsity fees for your children. It will trouble you for the rest of your life.

Mirrie: The key is to enjoy and accept the age you are. For example, you don’t act too young when you are much older. An older man shouldn’t be seen chasing after little girls when he’s supposed to be concentrating on his family. I think for me it also means being well-provided for, looking good, and being happy.