I did not get married to be someone's slave, to give up my happiness for
somebody else's. I got married to love, and mostly to be loved. If I should be found shedding tears in this union, it should only be for joy. Yet the society that brought me up seems to have its own prescription for all married women:
"Even when your husband treads on your toes, endure it gracefully . If he doesn't sleep at home, greet him pleasantly, run his bath and give him a plate of warm food Don't show any signs of being upset. The good treatment he gets from you will embarrass him and he will end up confessing and stopping the misbehaviour."
"Cry behind closed doors if you must, but for goodness' sake wipe all the tears and wear your most dazzling smile in public like a good girl."
"Pray, pray, pray when your husband ill-treats you, don't ever consider leaving as another woman will snatch him. One day God will answer your prayers."
I belong to a women's group on Facebook where women share their sorrows
and joys (mostly sorrows at the hands of their "better" halves).When
some of the women complain they are being cheated on or mistreated in all
manner of ways, a huge majority of other women advise them to be brave and
steadfast in prayer. Others start highlighting how lucky the miserable women
are to have someone to have someone to call a husband, regardless of what a
scoundrel he might be.
"Millions are sleeping at prophets' and traditional healers' houses
to try and find husbands. Be grateful," they say.
I refuse to be the kind of woman that waits for happiness to come
"one day" and is grateful to have a husband that makes her miserable.
Yes, I have a husband, but I will only be grateful if he also reciprocates his
gratitude for having me as part of his life. There are also men frequenting
prophets and traditional healers to get wives like me.
Gratitude is not expressed by taking me for granted, lying, cheating, or
hurting me in any way.
When did it become good fortune to sleep with tears streaming down your
cheeks and always praying that one day you might know what marital bliss is?
People forget that women get married for companionship, to be happy too,
not to pray for elusive happiness.
We can do grateful, but the men in our lives had better give us
something to be grateful for, or else gratitude will remain as elusive as
happiness is in most married women's lives.
